Heavy eyelids

I'm shattered! It's been a tiring week including Bilbo refusing to go to school, Freddie starting speech therapy, and me needing to treat everyone for worms! I don't ever remember anyone having worms when I was growing up but they seem to be fairly commonplace now, though thankfully this is only the second time we've had to deal with them and the last time was 4 years ago. For 6 weeks everyone has to have a bath before anything else every morning and I'm meant to damp dust the bedrooms and dust and hoover the whole house daily (I'm not). I'm doing even more washing than usual. Beds are wet every night. I need more sleep. 

One day I should prob think about getting a job but how I'd deal with little setbacks like this I don't know! I don't stress too much about being on time for school because I have enough to think about (I don't mean I don't care I just mean I'm kind to myself) but if I had a work deadline that would be added stress I could do without! Hmmm. With Freddie starting school (part time initially) in Sept, this is something on my mind but I don't want to rush into anything, especially after this last week! 

Just a short one today as I have a big family party to plan for Sat!

Cliff

Hey :) It's the school holidays! We've kicked them off by going to a local festival in the Peak District and we'll be ending them by going to an even more local festival down the road from me :) I guess I'll write about the one we have just been to rather than the one we're yet to go to though eh..!

So the one in the Peaks is called Cliff Fest. It's hosted by a bible college (Cliff College) where I recently did a course in children's ministry. I really like the children's work (run by Scripture Union) they do at the festival so one of the main reasons I wanted to go was so I could sit in on that and observe what they do and how they do it and how my boys respond to it. 

They use a similar approach to something I developed at my church by applying play therapy principles to children's ministry. I've been on quite a journey with children's ministry since my eldest was a babe in arms ten years ago when I googled something along the lines of 'child led  Sunday school'* because I felt there was a chasm in church resources and approaches in this area, and I discovered 'Godly Play' which, while imperfect as with all things (but adaptable), is exactly that philosophy. Around the same time I became aware of Forest Schools which have that same approach only outdoors and without the Christian bit. I've since trained both as a Godly Play practitioner and a Forest Schools assistant. The way SU run the kids work at Cliff Fest (and at Minehead's Spring Harvest) is this sort of approach. Though there are hundreds of kids there, having lots of fun, it has the most gentle, pastoral environment I've seen in such large scale kids work. It's quite an achievement. Every child is known.

My particular interest in children's work is boys and special needs - especially invisible ones (special needs not boys!) - because I find that if these needs are met everyone's a winner , and I also feel that behaviour is often a symptom of an unmet need and that the onus is on us as adults to cater for these children - the right provision = happy children :) At Awesome (the name of the Cliff Fest kids work) there is lots of slap stick (leaders being slimed, children throwing shaving foam pies in leaders faces etc), audience participation, whole-group games, small group outdoor games using loads of gross motor skills, hands-on freeflow activities such as Lego, play dough, etc, workshops such as puppetry...and, interestingly, my boys' favourite part was the bedtime story :) 

In addition, there's not too much singing, and much of the singing that does happen is reflective with everyone sitting down, perhaps with the sign language to watch on the screens. There's creative story telling based on a bible passage, small group discussion (for literally 5 mins, and more like optional show and tell) and a special time of whole-group feedback where random children that want to can share in a roving mic something they've made or done or written etc and what they were thinking about while they were doing it. They all really listened during this time because it was kept moving and it was children speaking to children about what they felt God was saying to them. This helps give a sense of anything God may have been doing corporately, e.g. a lot of children were worried about the Manchester attacks so the leader was able to pick up on this and help affirm the concern and also touch on what the bible says about fear and worry and how we can turn that into action e.g. give our worries to God. 

Anyone who didn't know what God was saying and had done something random was encouraged that sometimes God doesn't answer straight away - many adults also have things they've been waiting even for years to hear God on - his timing is different to ours and we just need to keep hanging out with him in the meantime so don't be discouraged if you haven't felt God speak yet. This was really helpful for me to hear because I've been acutely aware of that issue with children, not wanting them to feel silence = rejection or anything else negative, but unsure of how to approach it. I also encourage them that God loves us just spending time with him whether there are words spoken or not - like a mummy cuddling her baby. There's also a short prayer time where children can share prayer needs in their small groups.

As you will have gathered, the masses are divided into small groups (of about 8) so get to know each other and their group leaders, and those leaders are given free time to go with the flow of their group for most activities (labyrinth prayers, acts of service, craft etc) so if their group is loving the outdoor games there's no pressure for them to move onto something else. Forest school would call this going with the flow of your group. So if there is an energy lull, or things are getting too hyped, that can be a prompt for the group leader to redirect. I love this affirmation of community-building and of valuing people as they are - I believe it's how church should be (and often is) :) 

This post hasn't been written in running order format but as a splurge that gives the general idea! The approach is all very well thought through and I remember finding it so encouraging (through originally learning of Godly Play to doing the more wide-reaching training with Cliff College) to discover that what I was doing on a small scale in my little Sunday school, actually has credibility! It just felt right and made sense to me but it turns out there are books about child led children's ministry, with theological reasoning and everything! Hopefully it's becoming more mainstream :) I wasn't going to write about this but it is what has come out and I don't want the post to be any longer so I'll leave it there for now!

*It goes without saying that when I say 'child led' I don't mean 'not God led' - what I mean is the adults are tuned-in facilitators/mentors rather than directive downloaders

I have to think of a title every time??!?

Quick check-in! Helped run play group at our church this morning as I do every Thursday :) Freddie was in good spirits most of the time so I was able to man the craft table and have a good chin wag while he clambered about on the soft play and played with the cars and Lego :) I was leading the singing time but have lost my voice a bit (as I discovered yesterday when I attempted to lead a song with foundation at school..!) so I experimented with parachute games instead :) Well, I say 'games'. I tried a really simple one - run under to a space on the other side if you're a girl, then same for boys, repeat. Mayhem! Simplified it with help of a couple of fun grandmas :) Played peekaboo with them all underneath, sang the wheels on the bus while holding edge and walking round, and threw ball pool balls on as popcorn. Experiment complete and perfected for next time!! Lovely participants :) 

We then all stayed for a relaxed and therefore extended bring and share lunch and then Freddie and I came home and he played really nicely with toy cars and balloons on the pavement while I cleared the crazy-messy car out. How do other people manage to have their cars so clutter-free? I don't understand!!

It's boiling. Think I'll take kids for a paddle in the Peak District after school :)

Peace out 

Not coffee

I just facilitated an RE afternoon with foundation 2 (aka reception) and am sitting in Starbucks round the corner til pick-up :) Thought I'd share a bible exert that I find encouraging with the tenses changed from past to present :)  "Instead, God chooses things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chooses things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chooses things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and uses them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God." (1 Corinthians 1:27-29)

The Weekend

Thought I'd give a post title that sounds like it could be a film :) Wasn't sure where to pick up from but as it's Monday the weekend seems to make sense - like 'show and tell' that I used to facilitate in our little family school :) I loved hearing about what they'd been up to :)

So on Saturday I had a day of 'inner healing' at church while my mum had the kids! I got them all up, dressed and fed, and took Eddie to his swimming lesson and my mum took over from there :) 

We were really well looked after at church - croissants etc for breakfast, lunch laid on for us :) The team made us feel really loved, wanted, valued and welcome :) The theme of the day was 'blessing' :) We looked at what the bible says about how powerful our words can be to bless and to curse. We received individual prayer and we had a lovely, peaceful day :)

I returned to my blessed brood just as Bilbo was beginning to teeter on the edge of freneticisn, not knowing what to do with himself. My parents were brilliant with them. I'm so thankful for them :) They had obviously been having fun - there was evidence everywhere: paint, balloons, junk modelling, bikes :) It was what some call 'the grot slot' though so good timing for an extra pair of hands I think :) I ran a bath for Freddie and suggested putting the telly on for the other two but they went loopy in the garden instead and the swing frame ended up horizontal but I think that was due to the mud as much as anything :) We got some food in them then I took them to feed their dad's cat (he's away) and then proceeded with bedtime at home.

Yesterday we went to church where Freddie bounded up to his god father who scooped him up in his arms and Freddie gave him a big squeeze cuddle and stayed with him during sung worship as he often does :) It has been so immensely helpful for me since he's been doing that because it means I only have two to keep track of :) -At the inner healing day one of the people who prayed for me referred to the boys' "super-human energy"!! They do charge about a lot! I think in church it's partly nervous energy because it's a big space and sometimes Bilbo just doesn't know where to put himself. Things are getting easier lately with there being more things to focus on such as a giant white board to write/draw on (there's  just the challenge of keeping contributions appropriate sometimes!) :)

After church I took the boys into the Peak District. They complained to high heaven in the car but I knew I just needed to grit my teeth and they'd be happy as soon as we were there, and they were :) We had a lovely time :) Sunday afternoons can sometimes be a bit lonely if I haven't arranged in advance to meet up with another family but it is nice to just be us sometimes too, if tiring. I do like adult company though. Another lady at church was saying she finds Sunday afternoons lonely. It's something I have to really be proactive about. The kids like us to hang out with other people too.

We went and fed the cat again, then to my relief, came home - I was so tired! For a few hours they had been scaling cliff-faces, climbing trees, clambering on boulders, scrambling up craggy hill-sides, plus throwing themselves around at church before that. I was ready for bed. It was 7pm so only half an hour to go til Freddie's bedtime. The first thing they said when we got in? "Can we go out on the bikes??!" We had a snack and were straight back out the front door, scooting up and and down the pavement (Bilbo on his BMX with a pet rat on his shoulder to boot)! Then we finally came in and while I was getting sorted for bedtime, I discovered them rigging up a makeshift tightrope in the bedroom!! Safe to say it is never, ever boring in my house!!!!

Life :)

I'm going to start writing some general musings on here again :) It might just be little insights into my life, there may be moments of inspiration - we'll see where it goes! I hope it will be a blessing somehow as life unfolds before us!

So just to get me started I'll think of it as a diary I guess - share what I've been up to and include any contemplations along the way if there are any! There may not be today!

So we had a fun day on Sunday :) We all enjoyed church. Included in the movement props during sung worship we had crash mats to see how far we could leap (we have had taped-out race tracks the last few weeks too - love a bit of boisterous-movement affirmation! [and, as an interesting side note: parkour is a category of contemporary dance :)]), then the older two were outdoors reenacting the ascension of Jesus (as you do) with the aid of a helium balloon :) I do not know if it had a face on it ;) Freddie was in the soft play as is his usual Sunday 'school' venue at our church :) Love it - church should be fun, and it is :) ❤️ I was actually in the service which is fairly unusual for me as I coordinate the 5-7s team, which is such a privilege and joy :)

 I made the mistake of throwing the afternoon open to the kids, and they wanted to go swimming - desperately and unanimously... I was sooo tired! But I made myself go :) We had loads of fun! (I'll leave out the bit on the way where we deliberated for half an hour at the McDonalds drive thru only to realise I'd forgotten my purse so cancelled the order with the non-plussed staff member, went all the way home for said purse with at least one child in meltdown, and then discovered I hadn't forgotten it after all...) 

Eddie can now swim unaccompanied so for the first time the older two were totally free to go off on the slides and really enjoy each other's company (and torment a few others'...) while I was only tethered to one non swimmer!! 

Yesterday (Monday) our school coffee morning's kettle set on fire and the whole school was evacuated - two fire engines etc, so that was a fun way to start the day! Bilbo was frustrated to see his prayers almost answered but not quite!! Freddie and I still got our cake for breakfast so we were happy... Then we went to Aldi followed by nursery for him while I spent the afternoon being productive - yay! -filling in forms - at least it's getting done... 

After having a school friend for a play and feeding a cat, and playing with our own animals, we managed despite/because of the cocopops and sweets we had just injested (which I let them have on my shopping days), to sit at the table to eat together (three of us anyway; I call that a win)! Chicken korma - which no one complained about!! -and wrote some things we're thankful for to put in our gratitude jar which lives on the table (and is labelled 'Yrattitude Jar' by my 7 year old) :) Then, because the kids found the buggy which has been unearthed to go on eBay, I ended up racing my oversized children up and down the street in that, to their squeals of glee, in the rain, til bedtime!! 

This morning Freddie and I went to Small Voices Big Noises at Walkley Library which is our highlight of the week :) The guy is brilliant with his guitar, violin, charisma, dancing and brilliant children's songs from around the world, my personal favourite today being Mr Kippety-Kay, an Australian offering :)

Til next time!

Christianity is simple ;)

C/o Rolland Baker (a paraphrased flavour of what he said last night) 

What is Christianity anyway? Is it a way to live? The Christian life comes in many guises. Is it about health and prosperity? Is it about the simple life? Is it a political thing - trying to convince everyone to agree with your theology? Is it about reversing climate change and taking care of the earth? Is it about how to be the best you you can be? Is it bringing heaven to earth? Is it a code of ethics? Is it a set of doctrines? Is it about strategies? Is it about saving the world? ...Or could it be to do with your private life with your Lover?

-It's a person! 

What is revival? It's a person - showing up - the reviver. What are the keys to revival? How do we 'save the world', feed the starving masses, end wars, bring world peace? Answer: no idea! Nobody knows! We're all just people! God's the one in control! Just show up!

The outworkings of our faith are neither here nor there in a sense - Christianity can be lived-out in countless legitimate ways and otherwise, but loving God isn't so much about our public lives as it is about our private lives, and it's about being in love rather doing things to try and get closer to Him. Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."   Seeking Him with all your heart isn't easy - love isn't always easy - but it's possible and it's worth it. Alternatively, you too can just sit there (and not find Him)! John 3:30 "He must increase but I must decrease". Matthew 22:37 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind".

Do we really have free will or control over what happens in the world anyway? Did you choose to be British? Did you choose to be male or female? Did you choose what family to be born into, what background you'd have, what colour your hair would be? God's in control, not us! "Oh but we need to pray. Maybe we're not praying *hard* enough. ...We need to learn *how* to pray. We need strategies. We need training in mission. We need professional missionaries!"... What is prayer? It's a person. Do we pray to change God's mind? To convince him of something? To remind him about something? He does what he likes - we pray because we love the person we're praying to. 

Is Christianity all about strategies and hard slog and doing and trying and suffering and being somber all the time? Was Jesus always like that? What have we got to be joyful about anyway? Maybe eternal life? That we have nothing to worry about? Forgiveness of all our sins? That we have the perfect Lover? Direct access to the creator of the universe? ...You know the reason most people don't go to church? Coz they've been in one once ;) It used to be a requirement that we feast and be merry and party, now it's optional so... 

We need to stop taking ourselves so seriously! Nehemiah 8:10 "Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” Psalm 16:11 "You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore." Alternatively, you too can be miserable! ;) We can have suffering contests til the cows come home but if we want strength we need joy and to get joy we need to be seeking his presence.

Experimenting

After a long break, I've decided to return to this medium to record my thoughts and moments rather than Facebook as I find the latter somewhat all-consuming and it sucks me in whenever I go on to 'just quickly check something'; so this should avoid that. I'll start very simply with a couple of pics of today, just to see if I can figure out how to, never having put any photos on here (I seem to have favoured long monologues in the past!!). I like to capture the happy moments of the day to help me to remember and dwell on the positives!! Rest assured I am under no illusion that life is a bed of roses! We had a lovely little time at Baskin' Robins after school due to me both running out of time to take a snack and having a craving for sugar that could not be as easily satisfied as usual owing to my being off milk chocolate for lent :)    

Challenging Behaviour Strategies

I thought I'd share some strategies I find useful for when my eldest is heading for/has gone off the scale! They have come from my paediatric nurse training and various workshops I've been to. I just wrote them out for my parents to help them feel empowered and avoid reaching the end of their tether. In case helpful for anyone :) It's relevant whether the presenting behaviour is hyperactivity or anger, or whatever:

De-escalation is the name of the game. It's a skill so it can be learnt; it might go against the grain but it saves everybody's blood pressure!! So:

Keep yourself calm; be the bigger person; research shows if you focus on breathing slowly the child will do the same without you needing to say anything about it. 

Speak slowly and quietly. This will help the child slow down. It's the opposite of how you feel but if you act how you feel then the situation escalates and doesn't end well.

Distract and redirect yourself and him from the situation: eg give a closed positive choice: would you like to do x or y? (Eg go and chill out over there or run ahead [one calm choice, one lively choice]). This may spark an idea of his own which is also fine. *I have found this one really helpful*

Another form of distraction is to ask him to help you, eg with his littlest brother - sometimes that different focus and responsibility turns out to make all the difference.

Swap with another adult if possible. Avoid ganging up even though you may both be feeling exasperated.

Wherever possible consciously keep at least two paces away from the child (to avoid throttling them!).

Pick your battles. As long as the child's behaviour isn't dangerous to themselves or others, or going to break anything that matters, let them get it out of their system, eg stamping up the stairs/shouting/slamming door etc; this isn't a time that trying to reason with him will work - just give him a wide berth! 

Where possible remove something that's causing/exacerbating the problem (eg yourself..., or perhaps, for example, if hitting Brother calmly remove brother) 

Use positive language, eg you can go out there rather than you can't go in there.

Don't talk about consequences.

Notice any tiny positive thing and emphasise it - celebrate every little thing - eg that was kind to put the x down/you're using your self control really well by...

When you have both calmed down, which may be minutes to days later, listen to how he felt about what happened and tell him how you felt. Work together to find solutions. Tell him some of the things you love about him and reassure him that you still love him just as much - the behaviour doesn't affect that. In the meantime debrief with another adult, in person or online.

When reflecting with the child have two stages:

1. I was/I felt (give them language, preferably written down as a focus eg cross, sad, happy, frustrated, tired, bored, angry, fed up, surprised, anxious, embarrassed, confident, determined, scared, silly, jealous, lonely, hopeful, any others?)

2. Next time I would like to (say sorry, do another activity, go and see mummy or daddy, go outside, go somewhere else, something else?)

I'm often told that I am unusually patient and peaceful! I think it's because I generally employ these strategies without thinking about it these days (there are exceptions!!) rather than allowing myself to get drawn in! The hardest bit is that the precise moment you need to delve deep into your reserves for these strategies is the precise moment you may actually explode... I quite enjoy the personal challenge; hopefully you will too (if you don't already)! ;) xxxx

Facebook Fast

A friend, who happens to be a university chaplain on sebatical and spending much of it researching internet residents/non-residents, asked me yesterday what my experience of fasting Facebook for Lent has been like. I thought I'd post my resulting reflections here :) I have definitely found it liberating. I am enjoying living my life in 3D, free from the self-imposed enslavement that Facebook brings. It feels good not to be translating life experiences into stati as they happen, not to be wanting to portray myself in a certain way and instead just getting on with being. That's part of why it feels liberating. I've been spending a heck of a lot more time with God, reading the bible, listening to UCB Christian Radio, singing worship songs, writing out scriptures that catch my attention and sticking them on the wall, praying. I'd rather get my identity and intimacy from my my creator anyway :) It has crossed my mind that maybe I'm brain washing myself in so-doing but I figure washing my brain can't be a bad thing as long as it's with good stuff, right? "Whatever is pure, whatever is noble, whatever is praiseworthy, think of such things" - that's somewhere in the bible :) My fast also happens to have coincided with the most stressful, anxiety-ridden few weeks of my life so I'm glad I haven't been distracted by Facebook when I have felt summoned to go deeper with God because I don't want to miss a trick with Him, especially at times like this, but also at all times; He knows best (maybe that's why, in His grace, this intensely challenging time has happened when I haven't been sucked into Facebook?).

I haven't been legalistic about my fast; my sister had a baby in America at the beginning of Lent so I have been going onto her account to see the pics, and glancing at my pm's while I'm there, to check I'm not missing any important messages, and I've allowed myself Sundays off (or should I say on?). But on those Sundays it feels strange to me that I found Facebook so all consuming before because now it holds far less appeal than it did. I like to see what people are up to and feel in touch with people I don't see but I am really pleased the whole thing has lost its grip on me! As a single mum Facebook can feel like my connection with the outside world when I'm on my own in the house of an evening but actually, as I have read during this time, "In vain we rise early and *stay up late*, for the Lord grants sleep to those He loves" (also somewhere in the bible) and I have been going to bed with the kids and feeling much better for it (not that my eldest goes to bed that early)! So I like Facebook but I think I will use it differently from now on, trying to avoid using it to present myself in certain ways (I've gone off politics anyway!), and also giving it its right place in my life so I don't gravitate towards it so much xxxxxxx

Food

Trying to figure out the perfect diet at the mo. As in for healthy, wholesome nutrition - not weight loss. Gosh it's a minefield isn't it!  Apparently our bodies produce saturated fat naturally, sufficient for all our needs, so we don't need to injest it. So that's red meat and saturated fats off the list. 

I'm trying to imagine how a redesigned food pyramid should look. 

Knowing more and more people being diagnosed with dementia at earlier and earlier ages I've been reading about 'grain brain' which has pretty much resulted in me striking grains and starchy food out of my intake, as a general rule. So the food pyramid I'm shaping is starting to look pretty alternative, to some... I would go with the paleo one but they're big into red meat and saturated fats so I need to tweak it but who am I to do that?!! I can't help myself though!

Looking into ancient grains now. I think they're ok because they don't have the sugar effect on the body that all modern grains do (including modern whole grains) so perhaps I could add them into my food pyramid because these types of grain do bring important nutrients and are very low in gluten, if not free from it.

So if I adjust paleo to suit my hunches I guess we'd have oily fish, eggs and turkey at the bottom. Perhaps something like the new one in the following link, minus the saturated fats and sugar (including fructose, though I would include apples, pears and berries because these are very low in fructose). 

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/introducing-the-new-primal-blueprint-food-pyramid/#axzz3SUEXZgSV 

I think that's basically how I think I should eat: Mainly veg, most calories from protein (I have eggs or fish [prawns today!] rather than grains, fruit or dairy for breakfast everyday anyway coz they fill me up til lunch and are nutrient-dense), and ancient grains have a place in that there link too :) I'm not sure I want my diet to be so focused on animal produce though. I wonder if I could add vegetarian proteins into the bottom; I wonder why they aren't there?

Finally, thanks to Davina McCall (sp?!) I have discovered 100% cocoa solids chocolate! I didn't know it existed. Apparently it's available in big supermarkets so I will be giving that a try because it is sugar free :) Until I went sugar free for 3 months and subsequently drastically reduced my sugar intake I would not have liked it at all but I've seen my palet go from tolerating 75% dark chocolate as a less more-ish alternative to milk chocolate, to now enjoying 90% dark chocolate, so 100% is the next logical step! Yay! This is a really informative little video on sugar that was key to me getting a grip and kicking it to the curb when I was truly addicted, eating 3 packets of Maltesers for my tea every day!! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dBnniua6-oM

My Bare-footers

Occasionally people are intrigued by my unconventional choice not to make my innately footwear-averse youngest child wear shoes. Some applaud it and tell me of how they hate wearing shoes themselves, or how they loved to go without as a child; I hear some lovely stories from people - it can be quite a conversation starter :) Others are appalled and very forthright in saying so! And of course there's everything in between, and those that don't notice or think nothing of it (as it should be ;) ). So I've compiled a Barefoot Info sheet to give to any 'interested' passers-by. Thought I'd share it here in case you are one of them! This is it:

I've done a lot of research into this evidence-based practice and have made my parenting decision based on my children's best interests :) So here's a brief summary of the wealth of thorough research out there (which basically comes down to: the benefits outway the risks). 

Based on the below evidence and more, I've come to the admittedly counter-cultural conclusion, that barefoot is best - it helps muscles develop and allows skin to breath, and among many other benefits, feeling the terrain beneath their feet helps children learn to walk: Feet weren't designed to be in shoes. 

Footwear is a cultural habit alien to the vast majority of the world, including the country my children's dad was brought up in where he and all his peers walked to school barefoot and stayed that way all day. 

Shoe-wearers have a much higher percentage of ailments than habitually barefoot people - from bunions due to soft skin through to hip and skeletal problems due to improper alignment caused by soles and the 'splint' effect of footwear. 

Going barefoot as much as possible is especially beneficial to children, and the younger the better - because: barefoot walking develops the muscles and ligaments of the foot, increases the strength of the arch, contributes to good posture and improves our proprioception. Foot development can be damaged by the constraints of shoes. The younger the foot, the greater the potential for damage (the cartialage our feet are made up of at birth isn't fully bone until our late teens). Shoes are of particular concern in children learning to walk because the lack of sole flexibility, and even the slightest incline at the heel end, causes the children to bounce and tip forward. Foot movement is restricted which has an impact on our physiological development. 

In footwear, our temperature-sensing nerves in our feet are stuck just reading the inside of our shoes. This dulls our senses and numbs our nerves into auto-pilot. Walking barefoot in different environments, weathers and temperatures keeps our nervous system stimulated, awake and developing. As a result the circulation to our feet is more efficient as is their temperature regulation, and so walking on cold ground does not have the same effect it would on a shoe-wearer's bare feet, in fact the well seasoned barefooter rarely has significantly cold feet. 

There are incidents that will happen with or without shoes on, but wearing shoes teaches children how to pay less attention to what is going on beneath their feet, and disconnects them from their natural way of being. 

 I do put shoes on my children when absolutely necessary, and let them wear them if they want to, but I choose their footwear very carefully with extra thin soles, zero heel, wide toes and flexible sides to allow for full range of movement among all the other above-mentioned reasons. I generally get them from Vivobarefoot, who have further research on their website. 

Thanks for reading!!! If you're interested in further reading there are a number of books and websites on the subject such as those below, or you could even speak to a paediatric podiatrist if you're feeling really motivated! 

Books: Every Woman's Guide to Foot Pain Relief, Katy Bowman, Alignment Matters, Katy Bowman, Move Your DNA, Katy Bowman 

Websites (there are many!): www.unshod.org the guardian.com (Why Barefoot is Best for Children) www.katysays.com

Snook Mole Love Fest 2014!

This weekend was one I will never forget! I had been looking forward to it for the last two months since my cousin, Paul (aka Mole) and his girlfriend decided they were to wed :) On a hippy commune in Devon where we were all to camp! The invite read "...So we’re having a wedding; you are invited and the state isn’t." It was interesting to be at a marriage ceremony where the leader read out "The state and its pieces of paper can f*ck off"! Then she went on to say "but be under no illusion - this is a wedding", and it truly was - "in sickness and in health til death do us part" as they incorporated into their vows.

It being a wedding I had packed my nice dress and colour-block was the suggested theme. I even managed to have a shower the day before which was more than I had managed in the preceeding 5 days! I ran out of time to prioritise shaving my legs or armpits which have been overlooked for I don't even know how long, partly because being fair-haired I can 'get away with it' and partly because it really doesn't sit well with me at all that these things should matter even slightly. Well, it turned out I was in good company because there were loud and proud hairy armpits and furry legs aplenty - including the bride! Gosh, that was soo refreshing (and initilly surprising)! I do feel like a duck out of water sometimes when I say such things but there I was postively normal! I love that my cousin and his friends are entirely unaffected by illogical and unnecessary expectations of society :) There was no pretence - people were just free to be themselves - in every way! Paul (aka Mole) and his wife even swapped outfits for the banquet, incorporating a powerful message regarding gender politics which I may blog about some other time when my brain is working better! And they actively welcomed my kids at the top table of the banquet for the full hour of speaches without batting an eyelid which I so appreciated - they were made to feel fully part of the whole thing and even led the wedding procession into the ceremony field without that having been planned; it really did feel like 'anything goes' :) My cousin and his wife aren't Christians but they are Christ-like. they bith work part time in a library and live very simply with no car. they volunteer in community cafe's and open their street regularly for children to play out, organising stewards to close the road off even though they have no kids of their own. They frequently go on on protest camps for th good of the rest of us and those without a voice and they make an actual difference. Shell pulled out of laying a pipeline, that would have put local residents at significant risk, thanks to them not being afraid of being arrested and also putting their lives at risk in the sea in front of massive Shell ships coming to start drilling.

When we arrived there was a little handwritten notice by the entrance gate saying "Feel free to wee anywhere around the site just not in the toilets" (aka the poo loo's) - so I knew instantly that I could relax (in more ways than one) and that we were among friends!! The kids amused themselves so well the entire time - I could just let them roam free. There was a handmade climbing frame and swing set and a trampoline in the field that we camped in which was their 'village green' which was at the centre of the bender and round house dwellings of the people who live there (separated by a hedge for privacy). Ten adults live there and seven children. One of the children came out not long after we arrived and befriended my two older ones so the three of them became a little possy and basically looked after themselves for the rest of the time. She invited them into her garden where they played on her tree swing and in their chicken house, with the ducks etc. She had My Little Ponies in her house and her 13 year old sister was on a laptop (running off electricity from their wind turbine) so they are 21st century hippies! There's only one drinking water source on the whole site though, which is a pump given to them by Water Aid who needed somewhere to long term quality test the pumps they give to communities in Africa. In order to source the water the bore hole people used dousing which is still the main way water sources are found even though it seems archaic. They're completely off-grid hence needing to dig a well of their own.

It is a premaculture site so they are trying to live as sustainably as possible - but intentionally not entirely self sufficient - they actively seek to build relations with their 'neighbours' and often share tools and other things with them. When they got the site 10 years ago it was basically a big field with some woodland next to it. They had to apply for change of land use from agricultural and it is now registered for educational, horticulutral, environmental and I think residential - all of which are quite wide in definition which helps them have quite a lot of freedom within the terms of use. with their blank canvas they decided to have a village green set-up because it seemed the most community-building-friendly. They found it hard to agree on size for the green though - some wanted lots of space for games, others wanted the houses close together, others didn't want it at all. I know from being in a family school where mainly the parents did the teaching (so it was like a co-op) - that this sort of thing comes up a lot where you have a group of people who have chosen to commit to something together: everyone has different idea's of what will be best but also want very much to work together hence opting in in the first place. It can get quite intense. They found that to problem solve this particular issue the thing that worked best was they all stood in the field, started in the middle and physically put their bodies where they wanted the edge of the green to be, then inched about a bit until all were happy.

Another aspect of permacultue is that you put the things that need the most attention closest to your dwelling (further than 20 feet away and they've found they get neglected) - so they have the goats, chickens and veg patches right next to their dwellings and the horses and slower-growing plants further away, in another field. They've found this works really well. It makes sense. They have a communal bender and yurt attached to each other for house keeping gatherings and hanging out, where there is also wifi, but they spend a lot of their time outdoors and have a campfire area outside this. This is next to the village green. They also have an outdoor pizza oven and fire pit in the next field by the water-collecting structure.

They use a wind turbine and solar panels for elctricity so they make lots of electricity in the summer and not much in the winter which means they've had to get creative with electricity-usage and food storage for winter. The more they use in the summer the better because they get money for generating it, albeit from other electricity suppliers which they aren't 100% happy with from an ethical perspective. They were dehydrating their produce for the winter but dehydrators use a lot of electricity so they now grow things that dry on the plant naturally and can then be stored, such as runner beans, and they just use the dehydrator for things that can be dehydrated in the summer months when it's in their interests to use electricity up!

The hardest and most liberating year of my life

A year ago today my partner of 13 years, husband of 11, and father to my three children (then 6, 4 and 8 months) moved out. I squeezed every last bit of myself into our marriage. I was full of faith and hope throughout but in the end had to admit defeat. By the point of letting him go there were no other options left.

This year has been a whirlwind of survival made up of anxiety, fragility, healing, sleeplessness, meltdowns, grief (though tbh that pretty much ran its course some time before the split), cortisol, sugar, sugar, sugar (for me not the kids!), but most of all relief.

I can breath again. I can be me. I feel naked and vulnerable, secure and authentic. I may have had a bit of an identity crisis and have realised how much value society (certainly church, albeit subconsciously and implicitly) places on marriage over singleness, marrieds over singles. I am just as valuable without a ring on my finger as I am with. I'm not bereft, I'm whole. I'm not a failure, I'm a trooper. I don't have to explain myself - people will think what they will think (though I am happy to talk, and to be listened to). I'm thankful for friends who are/have been single mums and are secure in it; they have been good role models. I'm not needy but I appreciate help and I'm not afraid to ask for it, nor ashamed to pay for it. I feel looked after by the state and I'm thankful for benefits. I have considered life in a Christian commune but the most important thing for the kids has been to keep things as settled as possible!

I have nothing to give and I have everything to give. I am learning amidst the chaos and confusion. I'm not sure what I'm learning but it's definitely good! I feel like no-one who's only got to know me in the last 11 years or so knows me properly - because in some ways I feel like I've lost myself. I've realised that the people who've known me the longest are generally the ones who most accurately reflect myself back to me, helping me remember who I am. And yet, of course, I'm not who I was. I have also unknowingly been finding myself! And so I'm discovering who I've been becoming, and hopefully others are as well. There are also those who I've only got to know in the last year who are part of the 'new' me, and I'm thankful for their and others' friendship.

I'm definitely on a road of discovery. Not one I would ever have chosen to go down but one that feels safe with my new husband, Jesus. I've loved Him all along (if He is a he; I think 'He' likely transcends gender) but am rediscovering life with 'Him' in a new way. I'd far rather depend on Him than anyone or anything else. It's hard but it's good. It's liberating. I'm free! I'm rising from the ashes!

The year has been incredibly hard, but better, peppered with fun, laughter-crying and love, and I have known the tangible peace of my heavenly father (/mother). I thank Him from my heart for carrying me and the kids through this time. I'm thankful also for the people God has put around me over this last year, some of whom I didn't even know this time a year ago, one of whom I've known since I was in her womb. I have needed 'family'. I have been disappointed by church, I have been encouraged by church. It means more than I can say when people absorb me and the kids into their families, warts and all. I have found some families to be more inclusive than others. It's a shame but I understand. It didn't help that at the same time that my husband moved out most of my closer friends here were having significant crises/life events of their own - moving away, having babies, etc. But here I am today, stronger, weaker, blessed :)

"Be still and know that I am God."

Successful Parenting Part 2

I'm going to use this much-needed space today to reflect on my children's behaviour. (It relates to Part 1 below)... I'm sometimes embarassed and on occasion infuriated by it, and frustrated when they don't do themselves any favours socially or when it feels like they're letting themselves down - but I'm never ashamed of them or the things they do. Their behaviour doesn't put me to shame - or them - it isn't who they are and we're all a work in progress and have different invisible challenges and capacities to one another - both as children and in our parenting. This is something that's been brewing in the background of my grey matter for a while now. I find it hard to articulate not least for fear I will be misunderstood, but I passionately feel for others as much as myself, that parenting success should not be measured by our children's behaviour. I hate the thought that my neighbour whose car was damaged at the hands of my son might think of him as a little sh*t despite knowing little about him (and even if she knew everything about him), and that she may be judging my parenting as substandard for letting them play out front in the first place etc etc. (Granted she may not be thinking these things but you catch my drift!).. Different children, even within my own family, require completely different handling, support and strategies, and every one posesses inner beauty that we all need to see in one another, especially when surface issues make that difficult.

I was reminded the other day of the bible verse 'People look at the outside but god looks at the heart'. I've been meeting up with a friend lately to watch a series of DVD's called Captivating which are based on a book by the same name and a woman on that talks about her church upbringing having an unhelpful emphasis on being good to the point that she felt she wasn't loveable if she wasn't doing all the right things. My own church experience thankfully hasn't been like hers and I was relieved that she's learnt that her heavenly father doesn't want to parent that way - he see's her as precious regardless of what she does. This is how I hope I parent too. I want to help my children to be the best that they can be (and I am well aware that my parenting often leaves something to be desired) but I categorically accept them as they are and I unashamedly believe that this is a crucial part - if not the very mark - of good parenting; unfortunately though, I think it is often sidelined, looked down upon, or completely overlooked. It's so important to me that children know that they are accepted and acceptable all the time in every situation just because they - are. I often whisper to my children as they're falling asleep "I love you when you're angry, I love you when you're sad, I love you when you're doing unkind things, I love you when you're shouting, I love you when you're whispering, I love you when you're happy, I love you when you're doing things you shouldn't" etc etc etc. I believe their heavenly daddy is saying the same to them - and to me. I just wish that people who only see Bilbo in situations where his best side doesn't naturally shine through, could be automatically forgiving and accepting, and take the risk and inconvenience, and painful choice, of choosing love - acknowledging to themselves his innate priceless value - seeing the gold in him and treating him accordingly (many do and for those I am thankful).

I'm not talking about sherking discipline, I'm talking about embracing dignity ('that a being has an innate right to be valued and receive ethical treatment'). The other day my nextdoor neighbour (on the other side to the garage incident), after seeing Bilbo repeatedly and deliberately upsetting both his brothers in the garden, witnessed him fall up our steep concrete steps and hurt his legs. Said neighbour's reaction? "Serves him right." Something tells me we all would benefit from higher level thinking (myself included). I'm reminded of another bible verse (which I am also applying to my feelings about said neighbour): "Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay."

As far as parenting goes I feel it is short-sighted, misplaced and frankly judgemental to base our opinions of someone's parenting primarily on the behaviour of their children.

Successful Parenting Part 1

I was hoping to blog everyday to give myself a chance to process and reflect at the end of each intense day but therein lies the problem - I haven't managed to blog for about a week because I've been spending all evening every evening getting children to sleep and supervising them every waking hour besides! More about sleep another time though! Suffice to say for now that Bilbo (age 7) is often still awake at 10:30pm but things are improving thankfully and he is at least usually calm (though absolutely not this evening but that's another story!! *'no sweets' didn't go down well*).

This week has brought with it a few challenges and a lot of fun. I'll start with some challenges to finish on a high note!

I'm hesitant to write these next couple of paragraphs because it doesn't paint Bilbo in a good light but I'm using this space to process so it would be counterproductive to sugar-coat things or only talk about the enjoyable bits, plus if I did then my reflections in Part 2 would be somewhat diluted!

Things that have tried me this week have included Bilbo climbing on nextdoor's garage roof (no surprise there - he loves to climb) - and realising once he was up there that he was desperate for a wee, so promptly relieving himself from great height in full view of the whole street, onto their driveway!! (He often doesn't notice he needs the loo until he's bursting, partly because he can get so absorbed in whatever he's doing and partly because he seems physically unable to tell sometimes - like toddlers, and the sudden sense of urgency can blind him into an inappropriate frenzy!). Oh yes, I'm sure the whole neighbourhood are in awe of my (countless) public parenting success(es)... We also had a pebble-throwing incident out the front which resulted in an (understandably) hacked-off neighbour with a chipped back windowscreen. Bilbo made her a very nice and heartfelt sorry card, and I said to let me know if she needs to spend any money on it, which, though she was restrained, unfortunately didn't cut it.

I sometimes wonder what people want - blood?!?? I remember being frozen out of a group of mums at a toddler group once when Bilbo pushed one of their children and I didn't make him appologise (though I personally was very appologetic on his behalf, both to the child and to the mum). The fact that he was 19 months old at the time and pre-verbal (the same age Freddie is now who, incidentally, is completely different), and that this is common toddler behaviour that they surely would have come across before, especially as she wasn't a first time mum, seemed irrelevant to them! The feeling of being left crying in the middle of the hall by their reaction to him is still quite fresh, as is the naughtier feeling of retribution toward one of the mums in said group when her kid later bashed Bilbo on the head - hard, and repeatedly - with a wooden toy...

A further 'highlight' of the week that happened out of sight for once, but which I shall declare to the world now just to make me and my kids look even better, happened while I was putting Freddie to bed the other night. For some reason unfathomable to me the kids could not settle down and watch telly but Freddie desperately needed to go to sleep so I had to just let them play in the garden and hope it would go well in my absence. In the middle of Freddie dropping off though, I heard giggles downstairs. This is rarely a good thing in unsupervised situations... I decided to interrupt bedtime proceedings and hot-footed it downstairs to discover the entire of downstairs caked in flour and, in places, water. Yup - the floors were covered, the computer and desk - everything. I somehow stayed calm though they knew I was cross and I said we needed to clear up the mess. I really, really wanted to do it myself because I didn't want it to get any worse so I just got them to do the bits that were least likely to worsten...

A final example of trials this week is yesterday morning when Bilbo was annoyed that Freddie sat in the front seat on the way to school, so grabbed a bit of perspex they'd used for a craft in the group the day before and launched it at him. The corner dug into Freddie's scalp in a manner that would have warranted a butterfly stitch had his hair not been in the way (to be fair, Bilbo looked genuinely surprised and remorseful when he realised he had injured his brother - he had intended 'only' to hurt him). I had to administer first aid upon arrival at school. I could understand and appreciate Bilbo's sense of injustice which, to be fair, was justified as I do often let Freddie go in the front because, frankly, for various reasons, it's easier; and I am sensitive to the fact that Bilbo, notably more than other 7 year olds, has difficulty self regulating his emotions. I think it's partly the sign of a soft heart (he just needs to develop a tougher skin to protect it, as a good friend observed in her own son). I almost admire the raw expression of feelings. But at the same time I don't want him to think it's ok to act like that and I feel for Freddie who so often gets it in the 'neck'. However, in this instance, being that we were on the way to school, I found myself blurting out "Right you can't have any sweets all weekend!" And that's what led, after a sweets-full day of summer fairs and birthday parties today, to this evening's meltdown mentioned above. I don't really regret it though because I haven't thought of anything different I could have done, accounting for circumstances and brain space! (I always try to think of a natural consequence in such instances, to help them see links between actions and repurcussions, and absolutely avoid linking food to behaviour - be it as carrot or as stick but in the heat of the moment it doesn't always work like that eh!)

I will reflect on my children's behaviour in Part 2 but for now I would just like to quickly point out that we have had some amazingly blessed times this week too!! We went to our friends' the Kellys' house for tea after school on Tuesday which I always massively appreciate - I realise an evening spent with us isn't the most relaxing - though I can guarantee it's never boring!!! Phil, the dad, is so amazingly hands-on; they live on a cul-de-sac with a big 'green' in the middle and he takes the kids out there to play football; he's like the self-appointed children's worker of the street! And they have a 9 year old daughter who is brilliant with Freddie - so I was able to stand back and chat with Mags which was just lovely :) And she cooked a meal that everyone shovelled in which is very impressive! They always produce fruit between main and desert which I think is great (not that I generally do desert but it's nice to when you're with friends isn't it :) ) and they play the game 'best bit worst bit' which I sometimes try to play at home with varied success but the kids join in there because everyone's doing it so that's both fun and satisfying! everyone takes it in turns tosay something about their day and they makes it fun by interspersing it with little jingles and doing a dance on the chairs for the last person :) Then Phil took them out again for yet more footy after tea! It works really well because having that focus helps Bilbo to play nicely with their son, and they also have a daughter who is close in age to Eddie so they enjoyed playing on the bikes :)

Another highlight I must just quickly mention was the kids rave we went to yesterday!! UV lit room, rave music playing at an appropriate level, food, glowing ballons, glow-stick bracelt-making, and various neon crafts: face paints (snapped Freddie out of a crying fit after falling off a chair when he clocked mine!!), t-shirt painting, and drawing on the dreaded above-mentioned perspex tablets! Loads of fun for all of us :)

A bumpy start but a good end

So this morning my mum got up early and drove through the city at rush hour to collect my three children and take two of them to school for me then keep one for the morning - so I could go to an early fitness class of the style I'm thinking about instructing to see what it's like for a participant. I drove out of town and off the beaten track for its venue which turned out to be a village pub (!?!) only to discover the class no longer runs!! All that effort for what?!! A little frustrating that I inconvenienced my mum so much when I needn't have :( Anyway, I thought I might as well use the time in some other productive manner so came back to Sheffield and took myself to the Post Office near where I knew my mum would be by then with Freddie as she was taking him to our toddler bongo session (love it!!). However, there turned out to be a power cut on that street so all the alarms were going off and the shops couldn't serve! Felt like I was going from pillar to post with my plans and time was running out because I was due to meet my mum in half an hour now! So I whizzed up to the next nearest Post office, got my errand run, and hot footed it back down to Fun Drum just in time :)

Freddie fell asleep in the car on the way back home then didn't want to be put down all afternoon so the house is a tip (no change there then!). We went to 'Good Work Assembly' at school (assemblies are at the end of the day in our school which has pro's and cons but is good in the sense that it means it can't drag on for the kids having to sit still!). We then played in the playground for a good lovely hour after school while I chatted with some mummy friends in the sunshine and the kids all amused themselves really well. It was definitely helped by the fact that one of the little girls was cycling round on her bike with brioche in the basket like a French baker sharing it out to everyone (not sure her mum intended it all to go so quickly...)! And the Scrapstore Play Pod was open for after school club so the ones that wren't climbing tree's or eating brioche were rolling around in barrels and hanging upside down from ropes! I love our school!! Had some really interesting conversations. Learnt that one of my new mummy friends was taken in by a church with her three siblings and her mum when they were in need of somewhere to live due to her dad moving out when she was a baby (just one month older than my youngest was when their dad moved out; thankful the kids and I were able to stay in the house). So they lived in her grandad's church until she was 4 or 5! Isn't that amazing! They grew up there watching various groups from toddlers through teens to eldery folks coming and using the church hall which was their living area! Isn't that amazing!! I guess again there'd be pro's and cons. But church buildings are for 'family' so I like the idea of it literally being a home :) We've decided that every Friday we're going to put up a little sign and make an open invitation to any families that want to, to head just round the corner to the cemetery (nicer than it sounds!!) for a play and picnic so everyone has somewhere to go and have company :) I've also just been texting another new mummy friend and we're going to plan a sanity day in the summer holidays where everyone's invited to get together in the day with the kids then the parents all go out that evening for get-to-know-you drinky-pops :)

When we left school Bilbo hit loopy mode. This usually means either there's no focus for him, he's hungry or thirsty or he needs the loo but I had dealt with all these possibilities and he just continued. I can't think of a word strong enough to describe how loud the sounds were that he was making in the car. He was happy enough but manic. I decided to take them to an adventure playground that we often go to on a Friday. Praise the Lord they had some craft activities out and he got stuck into that for about an hour while his brothers played. Eddie was using the water pump in the sand, filling buckets up and making puddles, and Freddie was finding ride-on's and generally exploring. When Bilbo finished what he was doing we had a go at table tennis but he was on the edge of hyper and they were closing anyway so we left. By the time we got home he was bouncing off the walls (of the car...). My civilised neighbours were sitting out the front enjoying the sunshine and chatting to one another (hottest day of the year apparently). He stripped off and ran like a loon up and down the street yelling "I'M NAKED, I'M NAKED!!!!" repeatedly. I managed to calmly get him inside by saying granny wouldn't be likely to come and babysit if she thought he would be being too crazy for her. So he came in, but went straight upstairs and started squirting water out the bathroom window, which is at the front of the house, shouting "I'M WEE'ING OUT THE WINDOW!!!!" It's a good job I don't really care what the neighbours think!!! ..Or maybe it would be more accurate to say I'm past caring?! Using the same reasoning I managed to stay calm and end up with him occupied in the back garden with water play, channeling water from the kitchen sink pipe down an add-on bit of drain pipe I found at the front after strong winds a while ago. They all played with that for ages and, a toilet trip helped him start to settle too (I think the sense of urgency when he needs the loo sends him hyper sometimes)!

They had microwaved frozen jacket potatoes for tea with pre-grated cheese (having already had a picnic). This meal is the bomb for a single mum with no free hands!!

This evening I went out!!! To a pirate-themed ceilidh at the Sheffield Ceilidh Society of which I am a member :) It was lots of fun! I invited lots of people and only one came, but it only takes one and I'm there! It's brilliant. It started as a student society but they found people didn't leave when they graduated - they kept coming back, and coming back - and now it's open to anyone so there's a great mix of people young and old, pro's and amateaurs (mainly the latter!), international students etc. The were folk-grunge! They were brilliant; The Black beard Tea Party! They have a different band every time. I'm hoping to become a caller at some point (ie learn how to tell people how to do the dances). It goes on til midnight but I tend to leave at 10:30pm to relieve my babysitter (yes - my mum - again!!). It's pretty hardcore though - no rests between dances - they're back-to-back - so I get plenty of dancing in! It's always a really good, fun, friendly atmosphere :) It's also downright dangerous with bodies flying everywhere and great speed! I got spun in a basket tonight in which the centrifugal force was such that it felt like all the blood in my body was going to cause my legs to shoot off/explode!! Night night xx

Fun and friends

Today began with a roll-over from yesterday when my parents were amazingly kind (as ever) and had Freddie for the entire day - and said they would collect the other two from school for me - so I could catch up with a whole load of paperwork and phone calls that are nigh-on impossible to get through with a small person climbing all over you!! The complication arose at 3 o'clock yesterday afternoon. I had an hour and a half left of precious child-free minutes to squeeze in filling out the most horrible but important form that I had put off to last when I suddenly remembered I had promised a lift to a friend's children and she was totally reliant on it so I had to leave there and then (so glad I remembered in time - hadn't put it on the calendar!!) to go get some children from school who weren't even mine - d'oh! At moments like this I can choose to feel stressed and panic-y or to tune in to 'the spontaneous flow of the Holy Spirit' and go with it! Thankfully I just about managed the latter :) A knock-on effect of this though, was that plans altered with my parents who had collected Eddie at lunchtime (he often just does half days) so Eddie and Freddie were at their house and I now had Bilbo because he wanted to come with me when I turned up at pick-up time for my friend's kids. So rather than meeting me later to hand them over after Green Warriors after school club that Bilbo had been intended to go to, they offered instead to bring Eddie and Freddie to my house. This was where the problem occurred that affected today: Freddie fell asleep en route to my house at 5 o'clock!! Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!! That is really bad! It would mean Freddie would be up late which, when you're a single parent, means everyone is up really late - because I can't take anyone to bed until he's in bed because I can't leave him unsupervised like I can the others while getting him to sleep... Again though, I managed to not stress and to go with the flow (just!) and we had a lovely l-o-n-g evening playing in the garden with water squirters and what-not (thankful for the light nights on this occasion!)... I avoid screen time as much as possible at times that I don't need to rely on it so that there is enough novelty value for when I do so though it was tempting to put a screen on because i was tired, I resisted because I knew I would be needing it later to occupy the older two when it came to Freddie being ready for bed (it's pretty much the only thing that I can be fairly sure won't disolve them into an argument or into making a huge mess while I'm unavailable).

Freddie went to sleep around 10pm in the end and the others were then asleep by 10:45pm - so all this meant there was no precious evening for me last night and a 'lie-in' on this school morning... (That'll teach me for not putting things on the calendar!) ie Eddie was practically still asleep while I got him dressed and carried him straight from bed into the car where he had fruit for breakfast on the way to school! We arrived after the bell but not by much. I know I could have woken him up earlier but it's more important to me that they're not tired in the day than that we are bang on time for school. I expect the teachers would share my view... And today was one that required lots of energy because it was sports day - yay!! Bilbo was really anxious about it because he didn't know what to expect so his teacher gave him a running order of the day to look at when we arrived at school which really helped him. He saw that he had tried out and enjoyed most of the activities before when his class went to the venue we were using on a school trip - so he was ok then :) Freddie and I went to watch and had lots of fun. It was at the English Institute of Sport which has a full-scale running track but indoors (it's where Jessica Ennis trains). So the venue is massive - quite overwhelming. We commented that it was like being outdoors but that someone had lowered the sky! Sitting in the seats, the people on the track looked really small! Not that I did sit down because Freddie was loving exploring the place and playing with the balls etc. I had to watch him in front of the ball-shooting machine mind!! I had fun running round the track after Freddie when he took off at speed; the children were cheering him on!! It was a great place to hire for our sports day because they have exciting things that we wouldn't be able to do otherwise like a professional long jump with a big sand pit to jump into (needless to say, that was a winner with Freddie!) and high jump, as well as kid-friendly javelins etc! I loved seeing Eddie and Bilbo loving it so much, big grins on their faces :) Bilbo took the hurdles very seriously; he is a super fast runner; good energy-channeling!!

After sports day we went to our friends' for tea which was just lovely. We know them from school first but they joined our church at the same time they joined school so we know them through church too. The dad is the vicar actually! He shares the leadership of church with a Baptist minister as well because we are 'ecumenical' (not that I'm into denominations). Pippa had put so much thought into our visit, it was really touching and very worthwhile because it meant everyone was able to relax and have fun as there was plenty to keep them occupied. Their children are older than mine so they're past the stage of needing to be as hands-on as I do at the moment so just for us, they put out a paddling pool and water squirters, bought bubbles, put out toys like Duplo and cars etc for Freddie, and even provided supervised decoupatch which mike, the dad, sat and did with Bilbo for ages! Bilbo is very into craft whereas Eddie loved the water play so it was just great - and sausages followed by ice lollies for tea! Who could want more?!?? The boys really enjoy their company and Freddie especially gravitates toward Mike whenever we see them so he revelled in the chance to be held by him almost the entire time we were there! It means a lot to me for them to have that male attention :) And I was able to have a nice chat with Pippa which I hadn't expected being that all three boys were there! So it was lovely for all four of us - and hopefully for Pippa, Mike and kids too (though I didn't think to help tidy up before we left..) - yay! The kids were super settled upon return too, and bedtime went really well :) My language of love , for those familiar with the term, is definitely quality time - and words of affirmation - so this evening did a very good job of filling up my love tank!

Freaky!!!

I found out something really weird today. It turns out that when my parents had Eddie on Saturday and Bilbo smashed the windscreen with me, Eddie smashed their windscreen too - in exactly the same place as Bilbo did mine (very top left corner)!?!! Neither of them have ever smashed a windscreen before. Isn't that just a little bit freaky???! It's like that identical twin intuition thing or something (not that they are twins)! Eddie did it completely accidentally though - he had been crouching in the footwell while they waited for the rain to pass, then bounced up a bit too far and his head cracked the glass (he was fine, though mortified about the breakage). Has anyone else had experiences of sibling intuition?? It reminds me of the day their dad's brother and his dad had a heart attack on the same day, neither having had one before and one living in New Zealand (the other in the UK), not to mention the fact there's 20 or 30 years between them! Bilbo and Eddie are very close despite their clashes. It's as if it was a subconcious sympathy break - like sympathy pain. Maybe it's a sign of some kind; I feel like it's too weird to not reflect on to some degree at least!

We had our school coffee morning today as we always do on Monday mornings. I love it; we keep it low key - just a warm, welcoming place for parents to stop on in the hall for, for a cake and a chat before going on with their day. It's a nice chance to catch up with parents who I know quite well and to get to know others that I might not otherwise get to chat to properly in the bustle of drop-off's and pick-up's :)

My mum came and took Eddie off my hands at the end to free me up over lunchtime because we were launching a new school club, 'Wonder Club' and I was co-leading the first one :) I'm on a rota so won't have to rely on childcare every week - probably more like once a month, though I am doing next week as it's worked out. We have half an hour. One of the adults is the 'door person' who welcomes each child as they come into the room and directs them to choose a mat to sit on. The children sit in a semi circle where the other leader is already sitting waiting for them at the front. She chats with them as they arrive then starts with a song which moves into a story-telling session where we use a set of figures and little props to tell a bible story. Today I did The Good Shepherd. The kids enjoyed watching, all in their own ways. There were a couple of very lively children which is a challenge in some ways but Claire, who I was doing it with today, and I, aren't easily phased so it wasn't particularly stressful and I think we'll get better with time! Again, the inclussive thing is so important, though I guess also different approaches work for different kids. Having lively children grabbing the story figures during the story time etc is tricky but we can work with them using strategic seating places and suchlike. (Incidentally, Claire is an identical twin and was telling me that when she was little she had to have an operation on her tummy and her sister had stomach pains during it, and when they were babies she had to have a jab in one room and her sister flinched in the other!! She also gets a feeling that makes her think her sister, who lives in another city, is upset and she's usually right.)

After the story we move into a wondering time whereby the story teller asks wondering questions that the children are welcome to respond to or not and there are no right or wrong answers. We don't praise answers either - just acknowledge them in a friendly/playful way. So, for example, I might say "I wonder where the bread and wine could really be" and one child may say "In a field", another "In the future" and so on. I couldn't be sure if they were being serious or a bit silly so I often just echo back what they say - "It could be in a field couldn't it!" It's run a bit like Philosophy for Children which some schools have as part of their curriculum.

After the wondering we have a response time where we say we're going to carry on thinking about the story but in our own individual ways. some of the children played enthusiastically with the story set (three at a time) and others did drawings individually. It doesn't matter what they draw - some may want to use a figure from the story set to trace around, others may draw robots - anything goes!! They are encouraged that it is their time and assured that no-one will ask them what they are doing or pass comment on it but that they are welcome to show us their work if they'd like to. We then finish by regathering in the semi circle to thank them for coming and the door person says goodbye to them each individually at the door. With today being the first it was all a little alien to them but they seemed to enjoy it and we'll get into a rythm I'm sure :) I like that we're facilitating a space for the children to be themselves and to express themselves freely and not be judged or told what to think. I realise that it is a didactic approach nontheless and that we are presenting stories only from one faith but as no-one is told to go and it is a church school - and I am a Christian - I guess I feel ok with that.

This afternoon we had our weekly prayer meeting for the school and I got a call from the martial arts instructor of the after school sessions Bilbo has been attending which gave me the joyous opportunity to tell him Bilbo doesn't want to go anymore as he finds it boring and is happy to make his own belt rather than stick at it just for the sake of getting a belt. That didn't go down well with, let's call him, Mr X, but hey ho - onwards and upwards! Bilbo enjoyed basket ball after school while Freddy and I took Eddie out for bike ride (Freddie in the buggy). We then took Bilbo to his swimming lesson which he loves :) He's like a dolphin - spends almost the whole lesson under the water! It really makes my heart feel all melty when I see him in the water embracing it so much :) the lessons are brilliant. There are only about 5 children in his class and there are at least two pool assistants in the water with them who are always friendly and smiley, and at least one instructor on the side (today it was two)! They take a lovely playful, no pressure approach and there are no assessment weeks. The kids are continually assessed, unawares to them; so whenever the instructors feel they're ready for the next level they just let us know and the kids start the next class up from the following week; i love that!! And it's only round the corner from us so we walk there :)

Sunday: Church, cricket and friends

Today was a church day. The second Sunday of the month, which means it's the week that I take Bilbo because it's the only week (due to lack of children's workers) that they are able to separate infants and juniors in Sunday school. He can't stand it when they have the big gatherings on the 1st and 3rd Sundays and gets nothing out of it those weeks so I stopped taking him on those weeks some time ago as there's no way I'm going to force him to go - that would only make him hate church and would just be mean. It really surprises me that in a church our size, of circa 2,000 members (more like 400 on any one Sunday morning), we have such difficulty gathering a team big enough to be able to have infants and juniors seperate every week but that's another story and frustratingly not one I feel I can help with at the moment as my youngest, Freddy, needs to stay with me - and I don't have anyone else he will go to - so I wouldn't be much help. Part of the problem, I believe, is that the young adults mostly go to the evening service so aren't readily on-hand to volunteer in the mornings but I know this and other things are being looked into for next year so we live in hope, thankful for the leaders who are working hard to build team etc :)

On first and third Sundays the children's work has generally been loud and stage-focussed, though that has been starting to change recently but the big room full of people and dancing and singing etc, still doesn't appeal to Bilbo, which is fair enough. He likes the more intimate, relational second Sunday set-up so I was looking forward to him benefitting from and enjoying that today but sadly it turned out that there weren't enough helpers even for that one week this month so all the primary kids (bar reception who are always with the 3-4 year olds) were together in the big hall. Bilbo was having none of it so ended up in the adult meeting with me and Freddy. I braced myself for a nightmare because this scenario has never meant anything but- before now. However, he was basically fine! I mean, he was moving around the entire time and blowing whistles on and off but he didn't go into loopy mode at any point. i couldn't quite believe it! He read a couple of baby books and played with Freddy happily. I didn't gleen as much from the service as I would have had he been in his group but i wasn't running round like a headless chicken which makes a change for me at church so I was relatively happy! I would prefer him to have been having a lovely time doing activities he enjoys and getting to know other people in the church I guess but the main thing is it was a positive experience for him and it wasn't particularly stressful for any of us.

I have been a bit of a nomadic Christian lately - certainly on 1st and 3rd Sundays anyway because I have needed to be in places that work for the kids. it's been a nice way to get to know other Christians as well. I discovered my local parish church run a special children's service on first Sundays so I've been going to that those weeks, and the church linked to our school does Godly Play on 3rd Sundays, which Bilbo really likes though Eddie not so much. It is an alternative multi sensory, playful approach to exploring bible stories with children and the response time is wonderfully and freely creative just as Bilbo is as a person! On 4th Sundays we have been going to a local Messy Church (not the one mentioned yesterday) and have also now started meeting with people from our main church for lunch and afternoon jaunts to the countryside which is also 'church' of course :) But lately all this has left me feeling a bit unsettled and like, while the kids are well catered for, there's little nourishment for me which I mustn't overlook, for the sake of us all. Needs change all the time with children but it looks like what's going to work for the next little while is probably Bilbo just going to a messy/church every other week and on the 1st and 3rd Sunday mornings that can become his daddy time as their dad doesn't currently go to a church. We do go to our school church's Messy Church on the last Friday of every month and also to the the Messy Church I mentioned yesterday so I don't really feel he's missing out and I'd rather he enjoyed it when he does go than felt he was made to go and didn't enjoy it.

This afternoon we had fun watching our church cricket team for the first time. it was reminicent of my childhood because I grew up watching my dad play cricket every week of the season with picnics and blackberry-picking on the edges of the pitches :) Bilbo wasn't easily entertained which, on my two hour's sleep, wasn't easily rectified today, but he eventually settled when someone pulled up in a campervan and started a fire outside it which is always fun to watch :) it was nice to be with friends and to meet the team but I wasn't very animated company today - I've been a bit of a walking zombie!!